


Xu Zhu's Dinner Party

by mykell



Category: Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-30
Updated: 2004-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-03 10:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mykell/pseuds/mykell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xu Zhu invites Lu Bu, Sima Yi, Zhen Ji, and Meng Huo to dinner. Food, farts, and fights ensue!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xu Zhu's Dinner Party

One day, Xu Zhu invited Lu Bu, Sima Yi, Zhen Ji, and Meng Huo to go out to dinner at a pan-world restaurant.

"Hello. Today's special will be ginger crab," said the waitress.

"No! Not crab!" screamed Meng Huo in terror. "I'm crab-like!"

"Actually, crab sounds pretty good," said Xu Zhu, licking his lips.

"I want the bean burrito," said Lu Bu.

"Mmm, that sounds good! Add that to my order!" shouted Xu Zhu

"I want the green salad. I need to stay thin so I can fit into my new dress," said Sima Yi.

"I'll order some bao zi (they're the white dumplings you can pick up in the game)" said Zhen Ji.

"Oh, me too. Add bao zi to my order!" cried Xu Zhu. "And some plain meat."

Meng Huo said, "I'll have some pork chops."

"Yeah, I'll have some pork chops too," added Xu Zhu.

"All right. Thank you," said the waiter as he left.

"Check out my mad flute skillz!" shouted Zhen Ji, jumping out of her seat. She took out a flute and played a single note. The rest of the table burst out in cheers and applause.

"That's nice," said Sima Yi, "but it can't compare to my hi-tech fan lasers!" With that, he shot a laser which killed everyone at the next table.

"Well I can use my club as a pogo stick! Just watch!" shouted Xu Zhu. He jumped onto his club and bounced all over the restaurant, killing half the people in the restaurant.

Lu Bu laughed evilly, impressed at the merciless slaying of random innocents.

At that, the waiter returned with their dishes, completely unaware of the fact that half the restaurant was dead.

Xu Zhu finished his four entrees when the rest of the dinner party was only halfway through their meals, with the exception of Sima Yi, who had only taken three bites of his tiny salad. "I'm still hungry. Lu Bu, gimme some of yours."

"No!" shouted Lu Bu, but Xu Zhu didn't listen to him and started eating off of Lu Bu's plate with his hands.

"Xu Zhu, stop that! I challenge you to a duel!" screamed Lu Bu.

"So, you wanna play?" asked Xu Zhu. 

"Yes," answered Lu Bu matter-of-factly. And so, Xu Zhu and Lu Bu began to duel. At first, Lu Bu was slightly ahead, but Xu Zhu simutaneously stole and ate one of Zhen Ji's bao zi and whacked Lu Bu with his club five times. Lu Bu, in pain, ran outside of the restaurant.

While Lu Bu was gone, Xu Zhu proceeded to gobble up the rest of Lu Bu's burrito. But just as Xu Zhu got to the last bite, Lu Bu magically appeared right behind Xu Zhu with his bruises gone, and beat Xu Zhu into a bloody pulp. Lu Bu ate the last bite of burrito, then felt gas in his lower intestine. "Well, I'm off to the loo! I've got to go boo!" He ran off, and the entire dinner party could hear a loud chorus of farts coming from the bathroom.

Sima Yi, Zhen Ji, and Meng Huo, disgusted by the stench coming from Lu Bu's butt, hunted down the waiter and asked him for the check. They hurriedly paid it, and ran miles away, leaving Lu Bu in the bathroom.

Three hours later, Lu Bu emerged from the bathroom to find his friends gone, except for Xu Zhu who lay unconscious on the floor, and the restaurant closed. Lu Bu sat in the corner and cried.

Eventually, all of a sudden, Xu Zhu woke up and started rolling across the floor. He rolled into Lu Bu, knocking him unconscious.

Pridefully standing on top of the table, Xu Zhu shouted his cry of victory: "I smashed 'em good!"


End file.
